Alright cunts!
So I went out last night, as you know, and had a good time despite the fact that I'd have much rather been at home where I could be pissed off with life all on my own! And now in the cold light of day I can see now that it was a fucking terrible decision. I should never, ever have gone out because the inevitable happened! It was like a bad dream........there I was, perfectly fucking happy in the depths of fucking despair, armed with a fridge full of beer and several hundred fags, I was looking forward to drowning my desperation under a tsunami of cheap alcohol.....and then people start organising my life and all of a sudden one night out has turned into a weekend in some fucking place I've never heard of, and that's not even the worst of it! Apparently I'm driving every cunt there! Why me? Just leave me alone, ya cunts!
But they won't, will they?
You see, even a sad git like me has a few unlikely oafs that might loosely be described as 'friends' ....though when they start pulling my sad little life left, right and fucking centre just because 'you're such a cunt spending all your time at that fucking table,' and 'why don't you ever fucking clean up?' and other 'friendly' helpful hints like that!!....I start to take exception!
I don't fucking clean up because there's no fucking point. You clean up and what's the first thing that happens? It gets covered in shit again, that's what! So why bother? And that's a philosophy that's served me well for many a year! Fuck you very much and goodnight!
And I like my fucking table! You've seen it! It's perfick for sad gits who just want to be miserable, doleful, bored and fucking pissed off most of the time! That's why I like it!
And you've not even heard the worst of it yet! Whilst I was busy figuring out how my weekend had taken a fucking dreadful turn for the worse, my nightmare rolled ever onwards and became a full-blown night terror! Why, o'why, o'why did I ever open my big trap? More to the point...when, o'when, o'when did I open my big trap? I don't even remember imparting this particular scrap of data and can only surmise that I blabbed when I was caught unawares......in other words pissed out of my skull......and as a blood-curdling consequence my so-called 'friends' have now roped me into a fucking birthday party as well as the weekend away. The cunts! And it's my fucking birthday party! I don't even remember telling the fuckers I had a birthday, though one or two of the dim-witted bastards might have figured it out sooner or later. As it is, I blame the bitches....bitches always remember things like birthdays......the bitches!
So my weekend went from a scene of tranquility and total boredom to one of night's out, trips away and fucking parties all in the space of 10 awful fucking minutes.....and I didn't have a choice in any of it! Every time I opened my gob to say 'no, ya cunts' some bastard stuck another San Miguel in the hole and the words never materialised! Now I'm lumbered!
I wonder if I can fake a split toenail or something and get out of it all?
Mind you...... friends do have their advantageous side! Sometimes! For example....... being a lazy fucker I tend not wash things....clothes that is! I do wash myself in the shower on days that have a 'N' in it...... why an 'N' I have no fucking clue, but it's there all the fucking same! I digress..... so when my clothes get dirty I usually just throw the fuckers away or give them to the dogs to shred, so friends come in handy there because they tend to see me as some sort of fucking charity case and are always giving me their old rags....and I'll wear anything, I don't give a fuck! Thus I can wear, soil, and discard with fucking impunity because there seems to be a never-ending supply of used threads! But it just about ends there, the usefulness of my friends that is, because if they're not giving me old rags they're trying to cheer me up. And I don't want to be 'cheered up' ........I'm happy being a miserable cunt!
And there it is!
Now fuck off and don't come back! Ya cunt!
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