And there's fuck all in here about summer fucking love, so if that's what you wanted then you're in the wrong fucking place, my dearie! So fuck off!
I'm fucking bored so I'm here again talking to you nameless, faceless cunts cos my life's shit and I ain't got any fucking friends. And I've lost the bloody kitchen knife after I threw it at another fucking fruit rat, the cunt.
I think the fucker's eaten it!
Probably a good thing mind, given that if I had the bloody knife I'd slash my fucking wrists.
Only I'd more than likely fuck that up as well!
Of course I could drink myself to death. That'd be a lot more fun. But fuck, it'd take a fuck load of beer. And look.......
...............the fridge is already creaking at the beams for fucks' sake. How do I keep it all cold? It's a problem I admit, but not an insurmountable one. Think'll have one whilst I'm here and ponder on that.
The picture's a bit shaky - I'm half pissed, ya cunt, what do you expect? - but if you put your fucking specks on and look closely you might be able to see two yoghurts. I could take them out I suppose.... and put one more tinny in......not sure that'd do it though. I have got two more cases on top of the fridge - for emergencies, you understand - but they wouldn't fit in the fucking picture - well, or in the fucking fridge come to that - so just take my word for it, ya cunt. They're there!
But....hang on...I need another one!
Yeah.... the thing is, if I attempted this..... and I'm only saying IF, you know......so, if I attempted this the big problem might come when I'm too fucking pissed to walk to the fridge. I normally fall asleep at that point - just saying for a point of fucking reference, ya cunt! So, I guess I'd need a helper.
Now, I can think of one or two cunts who would jump at the chance of trying to help me drink myself to fucking death. Thinking about it.....maybe one or two more than that even!
Shit fuck! I know a whole lotta cunts. I really do!
The hardest part of deciding which of the cunts is the least cuntish of all is thinking which of the fiddling fuckers won't just let me drink myself to sleep and then drink the rest of the fucking booze themselves. Know what I mean?
And quite fucking honestly........which.........being honest for just a pissing moment here........I'm hardly ever.........fucking honest, that is.......but this time I am in earnest......believe me, ya cunt.........and in earnest means I'm being fucking honest you fucking dimwitted cunt, it doesn't mean that I'm IN Earnest.......as in, IN Earnest my cock-sucking boyfriend.........no fucking way Jose! I ain't no fucking sausage muncher, ya cunt, and if you ever fucking slander me again like that, ya cunt, then I'll be round tout de fucking suite my love to sort you fucking out, ya cunt!
And that's all I've got to say on that, Forest! Ya cunt!
Anyway, I'm fucking lost now thanks to you......interrupting my train of thought like that, ya cunt. What ya fucking playing at?
I need a beer. Look at these shit fucking pictures while I get one.
Look...here's a fucking wasp dying in a bucket. Fucking great, eh!
What a fucking sexy beast! That's my mother fucking sexy midriff...oh yeah, I bet all you gay fuckers out there want to jerk off to that, don't you?
Oh yeah!
It is fucking sexy though. And yes, ya cunt, I'm saying IT myself.
And that, my fucking friends, is my feet. And yes.....I AM taking a fucking piss in my mates garden.
And I can hear you, ya bunch-a-fucking-cunts, sniggering about what a fucking cunt I am for pissing in my mates garden!
Me? A fucking cunt? Hark at you, calling the fucking kettle black, ya cunt.
So fucking what anyway? He does it, so why can't I, ya cunt?
Don't fucking judge, my fucking judgmental friend, lest you be fucking judged, ya cunt...so it says in the fucking Bible. Or if not in there then in fucking Shakespeare or some other cunts book some fucker or other said it, and now I'm fucking saying it, ya cunt!
So suck on that! Ya cunt!
Anyway, I'm back from getting me beer now and I can see how fucking aggressive YOU are being whilst looking at my charming fucking family snaps, ya cunt. And I'll tell you what.....I don't fucking like it! Not one fucking itsy-fucking-bitchy-fucking-bit, ya cunt.
So, I'm fucking off now........you fucking readers have really pissed me off today. I'm gonna think twice about talking to you fuckers again. You're all a bunch-a-fucking-cunts. So don't fucking read this again if you know what's fucking good for you.
Go on.....Fuck off! Ya cunt!
P.S. If any of you sad fuckers spotted the movie reference in there then take an extra fucking kick in the bollocks from your fucking Missus for being such a smart fucker. Ya cunt!
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