You fucking bored? I'm fucking bored....bored with the bloody Olympics and I don't even have a TV! But I did see this geezer - in the picture - at my mates house and he gave me a fucking fright, I can tell you! The most complete uni-brow I've ever seen! Can't he afford some fucking tweezers or what? Did he grow it for a joke or did he just wake up one day and notice he'd grown too tall for his 'tache? It must be really hard to tell if he's frowning or not. I'd be like, "You pissed at me or just wanting a snog? Ya cunt!"
Otherwise my hectic schedule has been overflowing with invitations to speak, flashy fuck off dinners and bitches galore...NOT! Nah! Nuffin like! Just bin fucking bored. I caught this rat the other day which livened things up a bit, not least my stew! It's been a long time since I've eaten some fresh meat so a nice bit of rat stew sorted me right out!
So cunts....a question?
Which of you gullible halfwits actually believed I would eat a rat? A show of hands perhaps or are your hands busy down your shorts whilst you fantasize about Mr Uni-brow here? Or is the picture below more to your style, ya wankers!
Well, I did actually catch a rat...but I didn't eat it ya cunts! No, no ......it wasn't big enough! Hah! Now I'm training him up to do the fucking washing up!
Well, someone has to do it - I'm running out of plates!
Hey, look.....here's some hats and pair of boots that I don't wear.
Alright, alright! Calm down ya fucking so-and-so's! I know it's exciting stuff and if you can manage to keep your fucking Barnet on I might show you pictures of some more of my terribly fashionable haute couture stuff. That I don't fucking wear.
Ever.
My philosophy of clothing attire is much more ....shall we say.....practical. I wear something till it's fucked, then I throw it away. Doing the washing is so fucking boring. So I don't do it. That's where that bloody rat will come in handy...once he's got the hang of the washing up! The 4-legged cunt!
Here's a poser for you, ya cunts! I'm reading this book....Lord of the Fucking Rings...and I've been fucking shocked my bored fucking friend, I can tell you. Can he go on or can he go, that Tolkien geezer? He never shuts the fuck up! If he's described something once he's done it a thousand fucking times - JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY, YA CUNT! I digress..... and for those of you fuckers who are without a fucking dictionary...digressing doesn't involve putting my hands down my shorts...and neither should it involve the same for you.....so get 'em out! NOW! Ya cunt!
But anyway, here's the thing.... that fucking Hobbit bloke, Sam Wise Gangrene....he's supposed to be a fucking gardener, right? Well, I wouldn't let him near my privet hedge, the fucking, short-arse cunt, because he's fucking unreliable and that is all there is to it. So, my question is....while short-arse Sam is off with fucking Frodo fighting fucking goblins who the fuck is looking after his gardens?
Not very fucking smart for someone who's supposed to help save the world from fucking everlasting darkness! The cunt!
More wisdom for you sad fuckers soon.
Ya cunts!
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